Creative Possession + the Precision of Feminine Power

What happens when a high-capacity mind redirects itself from corporate performance into sacred creative obsession, and why you might not hear from her for awhile.

A Paradox of Visibility and Unavailability and the Discipline of a Channel

There is always wisdom in my absence, even when it feels abrupt or confusing to those who are attuned to my presence. What I am noticing, especially now as I move rapidly through this surge of artistic inspiration, is that my field begins to carry a subtle distortion of tension or confusion around my lack of availability for real-time conversations or responsive intimacy.

So here is a peak behind the curtain of my madness.

There are periods of time where I am deeply checked in to and immersed in the deeper tides of my creative process. When this inspiration hits it demands my full body attention before it vanishes. I enter non-verbal creative portals, sometimes without warning and with no clear sense of how long I’ll be inside. I dissolve into them and ride the current for however long she is with me and in that dissolving, the usual rules of reciprocity and responsiveness begin to blur.

And yet, paradoxically, I also process through language. That’s why you will see me becoming more active online during these surges. That’s why there are posts, stories, captions, fragments of writing that seem like I’m broadcasting out in communication mode, yet in order to stay in this flow I must narrow my focus and limit my intake of other people’s fields to stay present with it.

Why is the intimacy thread between us hanging loose while she continues to speak elsewhere?

My words are how I metabolize what is moving through me, and sharing them publicly is not about seeking real-time connection but anchoring a transmission. I know what it takes, energetically, to truly perceive and be with someone else’s field at the caliber I naturally engage with sensory input. And so, during these surges, I do not casually split my attention across private threads that demand a different kind of presence.

I will protect the muse at all costs.

This is my work, it is not just “social” media, and my silence is self-honoring. It is my sacred act of devotion to something that requires me to hold the charge, hold the vision.

I have come to trust that my silence, too, is a teacher and that absence, when rooted in devotion, is part of the ceremony.

In honoring this somatic truth, I am also demonstrating what devotion to the craft looks like. I am demonstrating what it means to prioritize the unseen over the expected. I am demonstrating madness and consumption and creative possession. I am showing you where my focus is and inviting you to witness my obsession.

When I try to communicate mid-surge, you will feel my resistance, anger, and frustration from shifting focus. But, do trust that I will eventually return, once I’ve crescendo’d the peak carrying something truer to offer.

Why am I writing this?

Understanding our nature and communicating it to those impacted by our energetic movements is an alignment strategy.

When I name what’s happening internally, it gives you a map and an orientation point to perceive me with greater clarity and reduces the likelihood of internalization or projection.

This writing primes the people in my orbit to know what to expect, how to interpret the shifts in me, and how to hold those shifts with context.

This is part of what it means to live with nervous system awareness and to honor the nonlinear, feminine nature of creative emergence. It’s also why I haven’t rushed to launch offerings after leaving a career where my executive functioning operated at a consistently high level across multiple domains at once.

As an asset manager, I held responsibility for a large and complex portfolio, overseeing a multimillion-dollar territory that required constant attunement to financial performance, legal structure, market dynamics, and evolving corporate priorities. My days were filled with strategic forecasting, cross-departmental coordination, and high-pressure decision-making that carried real consequences. I was expected to know the financials inside and out, to spot analytical errors instantly, to manage complex negotiations, and to maintain visibility over every moving part of my deals always while responding to new inputs in real time.

I trained analysts, translated operational shifts into strategy and with a primary focus on relationship management. I was the one asked to make the call, hold the tension, and navigate nuance others did not see.

And I did all of this while prioritizing trauma healing and spiritual growth and consistently producing the creative work many of you have witnessed over the years. I have translated and shared glimpses of my internal world while deep diving into my psyche, honing my craft, becoming a stronger leader and simultaneously carrying the demands of a corporate structure that required sharpness, speed, and stamina.

That level of output didn’t evaporate when I stepped away, but it did enter a period of sacred pause, a necessary recalibration of neural pathways.

Now, that same level of capability is being redirected toward my writing, my creative work, and the deeper mission I’m here to embody. The power I once used to manage my territory is being reallocated into building something of my own. I am fine-tuning my artistry while engaged in internal site planning and scenario mapping for the future. I am directing myself through the development phase, aligning resources with vision. This weaving is what many people intuitively perceive when they look at my art.

The paintings carry the codes of the invisible grids I have been laying.

When I listen deeply, and then I communicate universally applicable truths based on lived experience, what I integrate doesn’t just serve me, it becomes a balm for you too. But in order for that level of clarity and resonance to emerge, I must give myself fully to the process and prioritize solitude.

This is why I may not be available to communicate during these surges of cognitive and creative functioning. The bandwidth required to metabolize, map, and articulate what’s moving through me is substantial, and I have learned that presence with the process must take precedence over performance or premature articulation.

For those who have not yet glimpsed this layer of my process or the depth of my internal experiencing, it can be disorienting to witness. That is precisely why I’m letting you in, because from the outside, it may appear that I am closed, when in truth, I am radically open to something else. I am not avoiding intimacy, I am in intimate communion with the current that is asking to be channeled through me.

I am mapping in real time, drawing from feedback, situational awareness, and the subtle signals in my field, and translating those inputs almost immediately into writing, story-telling, insight, and meaning-making. When I am in that flow and being divinely pointed toward higher wisdom, increased synchronicity, and deeper alignment, I become psychically repelled by fields that distort or attempt to redirect that current. And I trust this wisdom.

This mechanism is how, from a single reflection shared with me last night (that I am about to share with you) I am already holding and articulating a deeper transmission from it. This is how my system processes: intuitively, rapidly, and through layered perception that turns experience into structure. This is what I’ve been sharpening on the deal-making floor. But now, my edge is being honed in service to something far more sacred.

Last night someone I deeply respect shared that they appreciated what I’ve been expressing lately and noted that I’ve been leaning into what they described as an “air of arrogance.” And the way they said it wasn’t harsh or unkind, it wasn’t cutting or dismissive, it was sincere, curious, and loving. Still, that word landed in my body, not in a painful way, but in a way that invited reflection, and I’ve been sitting with it.

It reminded me of moments in my male-dominated corporate career when I was integrating into a new team, and I was perceived as being “too aggressive” or “too direct,” not because I lacked grace or consideration, but because I spoke clearly, I asked pointed questions, and I carried myself with conviction. And because I am a woman, there was an unspoken expectation, at first, that I lead with softness, that I tuck my intelligence inside something sweeter, that I earn my place through palatability rather than through presence. And I said NO. I spoke directly to this dynamic when I saw it playing out, and I did not contort myself to make others more comfortable with my competence.

Ironically, the very same teams who were initially taken aback by my tone would later come to rely on it. They would say things like, “This Tenant is really difficult to work with, let’s give it to Shaina, she’ll know how to handle it,” and they meant it with respect. It became a quiet acknowledgement that I could hold complexity, navigate nuance, and lead with clarity when others didn’t know how to move something forward. I did not bulldoze, I held the line because I understood the stakes. I listened, I negotiated, and I acted with precision, and it’s that same level of energetic clarity that I now bring to my creative work, my community, and my field.

So when someone names what they are perceiving in me now as arrogance, I hear the echo of all the times a woman’s grounded self-knowing was misread as superiority. All the times confidence was made synonymous with ego. I feel the edge of the cultural discomfort we still have with feminine power that does not apologize or dilute itself in order to be accepted.

What they might be seeing is not arrogance, but the absence of performance. It is the presence of someone who is no longer shrinking, someone who has stopped curating herself to be more digestible. It is the confidence of a woman who knows what she carries, and who knows that the refinement of that power is not something she owes explanation for, because it is not something she is trying to prove, it is something she is living.

All of the times I’ve been misunderstood by those who wanted me softer, quieter, more self-doubting have hit a boiling point where dilution is no longer an option.

I will not be packaging my power in apology so that others can feel more comfortable witnessing it, but I will thank you.

To my orbiters,

When I am in the flow know that my responsiveness will be limited. This is not about you or us. This is about presence in the places that are calling me the most loudly.

I appreciate your understanding

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In Truth,

Shay Rays